Living in the settlement, I feel like a cross between the Bronx in the 50s and a college quad. Everything goes on right outside our balconies. Garbage men pick up, vans sell produce, kids play soccer each day, men play backgammon on a series of picnic tables, little cinderblock shops open and close.
So when a tragedy strikes, everyone is affected. A male driver, with 3 young women in a car, was in an accident with another car, on a hilly curvy village road not far from us. Alcohol was involved. The 3 women were killed. Two were from our village, and a 22 year old from our settlement. It was so difficult that it is still hard to write about it. But I think that we learn about people in different cultures by their traditions, especially at these significant times in their lives.
For us it was three difficult days. For day one, everyone was just in shock. A lovely young, vibrant, happy young woman was dead. It is still like the 1960s in the US, when few people wore seatbelts, or just 'pretended' to wear them. And drunk driving is such a big issue here in Georgia, although they do try to address it, and we have had many 'trainings' about it at our Center, for the youth. But for adults...
Day two we saw many people mourning. Of the two deceased women from the village, one was a mother of 2 and was pregnant with her third. Groups of 15+ women were seen walking from one home to another, to pay their respects. Day three let's just say many, many of the men took to their bottles. It was a tough time.
The day of the funeral I joined my landlady and good friend, and other neighbors. We went to her close neighbor's apartment, where they hold the wake in the main room. (As I have previously described, these converted army barracks have 1 or 2 rooms, in addition to the kitchen and indoor bathroom, depending on the size of the family) Girls almost always live with their families until they get married. Boys NEVER leave. For the most part, the first born son lives with his family and his wife joins him, even in these small apartments, and they inherit the house/apartment eventually. Of course things are a bit different in Tbilisi.
Sorry I digress, so we went to their apartment, where about 20 women are all sitting around the casket. The mother of this young woman was standing, and calling out to her daughter. She told her daughter that 'the American is here for you', almost a call to wake up. I know this is normal, as it happened to me before, but now I read about it and understood it. The visitors process around the casket, give condolences to the bereaved, and then are ushered out. The casket was open, even though it was a bad car wreck.
One note, only the family brings food. When I asked if I could bring something, they said that it wasn't done that way. Some people brought flowers, and they some were strewn on the ground as we processed to the church. (What a sad comparison, we only throw flowers when someone gets married in the US). There was however an official looking table set up, with two men manning it. Each mourner came and made a financial donation. A entry was made into the book to document each donation. This is to pay for the burial, and also to pay for the supra, that they have in one month, I believe. They have an even bigger supra after one year has passed.
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| This is just the beginning of the procession to the church. |
Finally, about 15 of the the regional government employees processed in to the church grounds, carrying a large floral arrangement. The officials all entered the church, probably were blessed too, and then left. After this most of the mourners walked to the graveyard, about another 2 miles away.
It was an exhausting and mournful day.
